With the return of Tom Brady to action this weekend I thought it a good time to address the brewing controversy stemming from his on-field absence, most notably in the first two games of the season. Of course I’m referring to the raging debate over the attractiveness level of Thomas Brady vs. Jimmy Garoppolo. The seasoned veteran with piercing blue bluish hazel greenish eyes and the up-and-coming dreamboat.
Today, I present irrefutable evidence to put an end to this conversation, and prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that Tom Brady is better looking than Jimmy Garoppolo. Anyone who says different is just being stupid and irrational like my wife.
EXHIBIT A – HAIR
Not much I can say here in terms of Tom’s hair that hasn’t been said before. Ravishing. Radiant. Silky. The works. Does Jimmy have good lettuce? Yeah, it’s good. Is it great? … umm, yeah, actually it is. Is it “Tom Brady Great?” Not even close.
Edge – Tom Brady
EXHIBIT B – EYES
Tom Brady’s eyes are a color that can best described as brilliant. Are they blue? Sort of. Green? That too. Hazel? Sure, why not…
As for the youngster, Jimmy, this is a really hard category to judge since he is often photographed with squint-y eyes and thus how dreamy or not dreamy they are is difficult to ascertain. Almost like he’s hiding something. hmmmm…
Edge – Tom Brady
EXHIBIT C & D – NOSE & SMILE
I’ll be honest with you here. I was going into this with the full expectation that once again I would be easily giving the nod to Tom Brady on both nose and smile. I mean look at him. Nose and smile you’d kill for. You could sell his snot for it’s medicinal qualities for god’s sake.
But after looking at numerous pictures online, it’s hard to discredit Jimmy’s nose and smile. Guy’s got a great nose an smile. Facts are facts. I’m a fair man. An honest man. For that reason, this is draw.
Edge – DRAW
EXHIBIT E – CHIN
This is where the conversation ends folks. This is where Tom Brady just lays the hammer down on Jimmy Garoppolo. Tom Brady has an absolutely dominating chin. That chin was sculpted from the Mount Olympus granite where Brady was born. Totally unreal.
Edge – Tom Brady in a landslide
CONCLUSION
There you have it. Tom Brady is certifiably more attractive than Jimmy Garopplo. The evidence is overwhelming. Years from now historians will scoff at those who say otherwise – like client change deniers. Sad really. Will you be on the right side of history?